In the past, I really did not enjoy going out and preaching to people. Now there were times that I did have good experiences. However, I wanted to do my own thing. I wanted to dream my own dream. The result? I started living a double life. I wanted to impress people with myself. Indeed some did tell me how cool I was.
In my heart, I felt empty. I would go home and feel a darkness. An even greater emptiness. My wife seemed to love me but there was something wrong she would get red hot with anger, as would I. There was no peace or a stalemate of sorts. Of course, I was the superpower. I was physically stronger, I earned more money, and I had more friends who would pump up my ego.
In reality, it was hell. Now, there is so much love. We still struggle as we must. But we struggle together.
I am loved and respected more and more. I show love, more and more. I am not perfect though. Far far from it. However, as I learn things I try to put them into practice. Now I am kissed by my wife and my sons! I can not imagine kissing my father. I wanted to, but it felt like crossing an impassable area. He seemed so far away. I am learning from his mistakes. So many have shown me a better way. First Jehovah through his word the bible, and the God-fearing people I surround myself with,
Now we are expanding our ministry as much as we can. I call it baby steps with a purpose. I find the more we do these things the happier I am. I more I follow what I read and study happier I am. I no longer feel empty. This is a time for more service! Either here in South Korea, or in India. Or wherever we end up.
I am understanding more and more the dangers of materialism.
Ok, time to go. I have to complete lining up my ducks for tomorrow.
/tata
